My girls and I would go pass out tracts between church every Sunday. When I was reading or studying the Bible, I could feel God with me talking to me. It was like I could see His light shine on me. As I read the Bible , He would tell me, 'this is what I'm saying.' I loved typology. It was just the best thing to me. I learned Bible verses. Anyone that knows me, knows that I don't know what I did yesterday. But God's Word was so alive in me. I was really growing alot spiritually.
We went to every revival we could find. It was never a question of 'do we want to go?' because we always did. I knew I was so close to my Father.
One day we were all eating out. As we were leaving we saw a homeless man walk by. I didn't think much about it. My grandson got sick and all I was worried about was getting him to the truck. As we were leaving my daughter said, "There's that man, let's stop and give him a Gospel tract." It was so natural for us to hand out tracts. We loved sharing God's Word. But this time, I didn't want to. I said, "No, let's not." After talking to my daughter, I decided to go back and give him a tract.
I invited the guy to church. He said, "In the morning, I'll be waiting here for you to pick me up."
We went the next morning, but didn't really expect him to be there. He was there and he went to church with us a few times. Then he didn't want to go back. I invited him to my house so he could shower and I washed his clothes. All the time doing this as unto God.
I somehow fell for this guy. When I got saved my husband left and went back to OK. I left my kids, grandkids, and a job I had for ten years to go live in the woods with this guy. I started smoking weed again. Within three months, he cost me everything. My kids were so upset and angry at me. My grandkids were my world, and they didn't come to my mind anymore.
I lost everything I owned. And I didn't have a job.
One-day, he wanted to go to Goldsboro to get a friend. I heard him talking to his sister about getting his boat back. So we went to Goldsboro. My son went with us to Goldsboro. They got the boat on the truck and I couldn't see what they were doing. They broke in the house and came out with an arm full guns. My sister was murdered so I was scared.
The next day when I took them to work, the police was there and we went to jail. I was a felon, even though I didn't do anything. I was with the wrong people at the wrong time.
This all started by trying to show Christ to someone. In three months, I was so far from God. I tried going back to church but I just knew God didn't want me messing up His church. Someone told me, I'd never do anything for God again. That discouraged me and after that, I got worse. I was so low I believed them.
The guy went to jail for four years. And like a nut I was there for him. Then he started hitting me. I knew if my son found out he'd kill him. So, I got away from him, or I tried. He was very controlling.
My husband came back, he knew what had happened, but he was here. The guy finally left me alone. I kept trying to get close to God again. As much as I tried and as much as I cried, it didn't happen. I was so depressed. I wish I had someone to talk to. Cause the talk I was getting was just small talk. People don't really want to know what you have done or what you are going through. They didn't really want to help me get close to God again. They just seemed to want to cast judgement on me or cast me aside. This went on for years.
I would look in the mirror, I'd look straight at my eyes and I could not lie to myself. The more I looked in the mirror the more I disliked myself. I didn't know if I would ever find peace again. I had to let it all out. I finally found peace and forgiveness with God. I was still saved through all of this, I had just gotten so low and so far from God that I couldn't feel His presence anymore. I got back in church and started living for God again.
In 2015, I fell off of a 6 foot ladder at work and hit my head on a steel beam. I was happy I was alive. But I had to ask God what was I supposed to do now. I thought I was doing what He wanted. I was a wreck. I have been through a lot since the fall. I have serious problems from the fall, that won't go away. I don't have a life now. My whole life has changed. I am constantly in pain. It doesn't go away. I'm still asking God when will it be over. I have to remind myself that 'no', is an answer. I have not got back where I used to be with God. I want to be in church all the time, but the pain doesn't allow me to. It's a journey.
With all of this and more, I know God reached way down and got me out of the sin. When you get saved, God goes everywhere you go, and He hears everything you say. If you go somewhere bad, He goes with you.
I've learned that it doesn't matter how many times you go to the altar and ask God for forgiveness, you must also forgive yourself. This is hard for me because I knew better and I did all the things anyways.
I said all that to say this. I could have got saved at 8. I do believe God was calling me. But I let family stop me. Yes I was 8 but I didn't need a building to get saved or live for God. I went through some pretty bad stuff growing up like skipping school, running away, drugs, drinking, my 1st marriage.
I got saved at 41 which is late in life. God won't force His will on anyone. He will let you do what you want. But His will is always better. If you follow His will for your life, there will be less heartache and less scars from sin. Sin is not as glamorous as it looks. You always see the good side of sin, but no one ever shows you the wasted lives and the scars that don't go away. The price of sin is not worth a ruined life.
When I was living away from God, He did not leave me or anyone else. If you are saved you will always be His child. You might not always be in fellowship with Him though. It's just how much do you want to share your life with Him?
I'm so thankful God let me live after my fall. That was and still is a bad time for me. He is not done with me yet.
I had made plans to go see my mom in Florida, June 26th 2015. Well instead of a vacation my mom died that day. Oh how I miss her. It shook my faith. It's been hard.
Everyone thinks they are having fun parting and carrying on. But they have a void in their life that only God can fill. You don't have to clean up your life before you get saved. You don't need to dress right, smell right ,or stop parting. Come as you are God will let you know what is wrong in your life. When I got saved right on the spot, right that second, I was clean so very clean.
All my wants for parting was gone I saw people as lost souls needing a Savior. So listen to that still small voice. You will be glad you did.
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