God's Amazing Grace

Recently, I wrote a post about my son getting saved. I mentioned briefly about my own salvation experience. I also mentioned a little about how life was back then. I'm going to take a few minutes and go back in time right before I got saved.

 I was 15 years old. I had months before  moved to North Carolina. I had grown up in Oklahoma. I went to public school and just became depressed. I cried all of the time, I didn't want to go to school or do anything.  I didn't know what was going on.
 I know now that God was bringing me to a point where all I could do was look up.
My dad worked a lot and wasn't home much. My mom moved to NC. I seemed all alone. I had friends, but they weren't that good. They were bad influences.

I decided to visit my mom in NC to see if that would help. My dad wasn't even there to tell me bye.

I didn't really like being around my mom because she and her boyfriend at the time smoked alot, he drank alot and they did drugs. It just wasn't what I wanted to be around.

In school my friends did drugs, but they never did it around me. And I never tried any of that. It was because I didn't want to turn out like my mom. It's a rare thing having friends and not being like them. I'm thankful that I was so against drugs and alcohol because I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't despised that stuff so much. They asked me all the time if I wanted to try drugs. And I always said, 'No.'
That was definitely God protecting me, even when I was lost.

When I visited my mom, things seemed to get darker. There were a lot of people in the trailer we were staying at. I slept on the floor, I didn't have a bed. We didn't have much food. They did things that I didn't like even as a lost girl.

I didn't want to be there, and life seemed hopeless. What was the point of life? I wondered that a lot. It was like I was trapped in a bad dream with no way out.

One day I found a Bible and I was flipping through it and my brother saw me and dared me to go to church with my grandma.

I, of course accepted the dare and I went. I hadn't been to church in a long time. When the Sunday School bell rang I thought church was over, but it hadn't even begun.
Even though I didn't like sitting for so long, something about that place touched my heart. The people there were real. There was something about them that was different. I couldn't figure out what it was.

I kept going to church. I went to a lock in at the church so my cousin would go. I remember talking to the youth pastor and his wife. I told them about my mom and how she was on drugs. They really seemed to care.

One Sunday night I realized I was a sinner and on my way to hell. There was such conviction. But I left the service and in the car my grandma asked if I needed to go back to church to get saved. I told her yes. I thought if I didn't get saved that night that I'd never have another chance. I went back to church and the youth pastor's wife lead me to the Lord.

The emptiness inside was finally gone. I had peace that I never knew existed. I was different. Jesus had filled the void in my heart, and He gave me hope.  But I was overcome with sadness after I got saved. Because I realized my mom was lost and on her way to hell. I remember crying as I sat in that class room talking to Mrs. Sandra (The youth pastor's wife) . I had a burden for my mom, my sister, my brother and my mom's boyfriend.

After I got saved, I still had the same home life. Nothing physically had changed. But I wasn't alone any longer. God showed me in the darkest of nights that I could trust Him. He proved Himself over and over to me. I wasn't in despair because I had God.

My mom and her boyfriend would get angry when I mentioned God.  James ( her boyfriend's name) had a bad temper when he was drunk. He would break things and just be crazy.

I was so concerned for my mom. I remember at night when she was gone looking out the window over and over again, seeing if she was home yet. I didn't know if she'd get arrested or what would happen. Normally it's not the child waiting and worrying for the parent. But I did.

At bedtime, I'd hug her over and over again because I didn't know if she'd die in the middle of the night and go to hell. I didn't know if I'd ever see her again. I wanted to hug her and not let go.

I prayed so hard for her. I didn't give up. God didn't answer my prayers right away.

My youth pastor and his wife took me in. They were like another family to me. I did homeschool at their house and they picked me up and brought me to church every service.

They extended their love to me. They really influenced my life. They didn't have to, but their love for God changed my life. I used to ask them so many questions about the Bible. I was so hungry to know more about God and the Bible. I'm so grateful for all they did for me.

Whenever I'd go back home, I was in the same environment. Sometimes I came home and my mom's drug friends would be hanging out in our house, and she wouldn't be there. Other times her drug friends would knock on my window in the middle of the night, asking for something. It was crazy.

I was the only teen that didn't have parents at church. I remember being sad when I saw dad's praying with their daughters, because I didn't have that. At women banquets, I didn't attend with my mom like my friends did. The church never made me feel left out. There are some amazing people at that church. They've all touched my heart.

God was definitely working in my life and in my home. I memorized Bible verses for Sigma and used my mom to tell them to. I didn't know how God was using that to work in her heart, but He was.

There's so much I'm leaving out, because this is already a long post. But two years of praying for my mom to get saved and she finally did. She surprised me by showing up to church, and she got saved. God has answered my prayers. My sister got saved too,  I can't remember exactly when. James was still lost and as hard as ever. I really thought that my mom and especially James were too far gone, that they couldn't be saved. But God can save anymore.

My mom was saved and that was so sweet. But James was still a drunkard and trying to make things difficult. My mom had married him when I was away visiting a missionary family. I was upset. I told her she should not live with a man that she wasn't married to. But I wanted him to leave.

Years passed. James seemed so hard. I was married and had a few Children before he got saved. He got saved during a Christmas play at church. My little girl told him he needed to be saved, and she prayed for him.

So, I say all of that to say this, that God's grace is amazing. There is no one so far into sin that He can't save. James and my mom seemed hopeless, but they weren't.

If there's someone in your life that seems so hard and unreachable, don't give up hope. It might not be today or even a year from now, but God still answers prayers and He still saves souls. He can take that sin scarred life and make it new again. He can change the vilest, hardest heart. He's God and nothing is too hard for Him.