Mommy School

I have been out of school for a long time. I'm not even going to say how long, I don't want my age to show.  But I don't ever want to get to the place where I'm not learning something every day.

I had a pediatrician recently tell me,  "You have five kids, you know everything." I'm not sure if he was being funny, but I definitely don't know everything. I realize everyday how much I don't know.
I like to think of myself in mommy school. My teacher is God, and occasionally, my children are the teachers.

In this school, graduation is not the goal. Every mommy will have a different goal. My goal, is raising children who are dependent on God. Children who are respectful, compassionate, and courageous. I want them to love God with all their hearts, and be a light wherever they go.

Every day I have to learn what God wants to teach me. Because raising these kind of children, doesn't happen by accident.

How does God teach me, in this mommy school, you may be wondering?
Sometimes, He shows me things in His Word. And I find encouragement and strength to face the day.
Other times, He teaches me through house work. I'm not talking about I learn how to cook better, or clean better.  Although, that should be a goal. He teaches me perseverance, when I want to quit. He teaches me calmness when I feel overwhelmed. And the list could go on.
He also teaches me through my children. Their words help teach me but also their actions. Children have a way of humbling their parents and bringing out faults that need to be dealt with. Sometimes, we don't see the error of our ways, until our children bring it out of us.

Every person has different things they need to learn. We are not all in the same 'grade'  at 'school'. You might have mastered skills that I'm struggling with, or vise versa.

In my mommy school, God is teaching me a few things. And here's what I'm learning.

I am learning that love works better than a strong word sometimes.  My children, know how to push my buttons, so to speak. They are with me all day, and sometimes, they do things just to annoy me. I'm only human, and in the flesh, I'd respond by yelling or getting frustrated. That does not work, and a soft answer and a loving response speaks more than anything done in anger ever could.

I am learning that mercy should be generously giving sometimes. Discipline is definitely needed, but sometimes, Mercy is needed instead of discipline. We all make mistakes, and forget what we are supposed to be doing. Children are no different. They get distracted and forget. If they are not will fully disobeying, but are acting like a child, mercy should be applied. Sometimes, I get upset when my children act like children. It might be hard to believe, but they are not going to be little adults.

God is teaching me to be more understanding. I have some fussy boys. Two of my boys fuss over almost everything. Sometimes I wonder if they know what they are fussing about. Fussing gets old very fast. If I try to understand why they are fussing, then a solution can be found. But also teaching them to use their words in communication could help the situation not escalate to fussiness stage. My two boys that fuss alot are 3 and 5. It's hard sometimes to stop and be more understanding.

I'm learning that everything doesn't have to be perfect. Im not a perfectionist, but I like to have everything done. I have a hard time sitting still if things need to be done. I think all the housework has to be done each day and I can't relax if something isn't finished. I need to be more like Mary, and sit at the feet of Jesus instead of being like Martha, and laboring constantly. It's good to have a clean house, but it's not good to be unbalanced, or stressed.

 God is showing me that it's ok to give yourself some grace. No mother is Super Woman. We can't do it all. I think I'm supposed to get all the housework done, homeschool three children, take care of a baby and toddler, potty train, cook, and whatever else I have to do each day. But if something doesn't get done, it's not the end of the world. I really have a hard time with that.

I'm learning to laugh more. Sometimes I can be kind of serious. I have so much on my mind, like everything that needs to get done that I forget to enjoy the little things in life. Children are such a blessing, and sometimes we just need to get on their level, play with them, laugh with them, and be silly. They will never forget those memories.

If you are in this mommy school with me, I hope you listen to God and learn all He has for you. And make this a great school year. Before you can teach and train your kids, sometimes we need God to work on our hearts and in our lives. Life is a journey,  let's have teachable spirits, and not miss the opportunities God places in our lives to learn.

When God Has Another Plan

My youngest child is 6-weeks-old. He is such a joy to have. He's so precious. I love him so much.

But if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be born.  That might be a hard statement to understand. Let me go back in time to August 2016, and maybe then you'll understand. 

I love my children, and want everyone I have. We had four children, but I was really praying for baby number five. My youngest was 13 months old. 

On August 6, I wasn't feeling quite right, so I took a pregnancy test.

 It was positive! I was so excited. God had answered my prayers. The baby was due on my birthday. We told the children, and they were excited. Abby really wanted a sister, and wouldn't stop talking about it. 

It seemed like life was going great. But in the back of my mind, I wondered if something was wrong. I wasn't feeling sick like I normally would. I did have pregnancy symptoms so I didn't worry too much. 

A couple of weeks went by, and I was just excited for what the future held for my family. 

But my world was about to change, and I'd experience heartache and sadness. Something happened, and I called my husband crying, I didn't know if we were losing the baby or not.

I remember telling God through tears, that I would still love and serve Him if He took my baby. 

 We spent 10 hours in the ER, running tests and praying alot. I tried to find every word of hope and encouragement in the doctor's words, because I needed hope to cling to. I wanted this baby, it was loved already.  I had prayed for this baby, and I wanted to keep it.  The doctor sent us home not really knowing what was going to happen.  We would just have to wait and see. 

A few days past, and we did have a miscarriage. It was really hard on me. I cried nonstop. I didn't understand. My heart was broken. 

My 3 -year-old reassured me, that the baby was in heaven with God. 

On August 23, I wrote this in a journal. 

" God put Your arms around me, I'm struggling right now. I praise You for Your goodness and love. I don't understand Your plan. I wanted to keep this baby. But you might have different plans.  Your will is always best, even if it's hard."

The tears didn't stop flowing for days, but slowly God was healing my heart. I had to accept that He had another plan. God sees the whole book of our lives when we only see the chapter we are in.  Even when we go through a valley and we can't see the sunshine, God is there. 

I know a lot of families go through miscarriages, but it's often not talked about. Women often go through this heartache alone. Whether it's a early miscarriage or a little bit later, it still hurts. And it takes time to heal. 

What helped me was writing a letter to the baby. 

Here's what I wrote, and even though it's personal, I hope it helps someone else who is going through this. Because you are not alone. 

" To my precious baby, 

I only had you for a few short weeks, but you will always be in my heart. I never got to feel your kicks in the womb, or watch you grow by my expanding stomach. I never got to hear your heartbeat. 

I will never hold you in my arms, or embrace your sweet little body. I will never be able to kiss your soft cheeks or see your gentle smile. I will never hear your laughter as you play, or comfort you when you cry. I will never see you as you run around the house playing with your sister and brothers. I will never be able to tell you about Jesus, but then, you could tell me about Jesus, for you have seen Him. I will never watch you grow and develop into your own little personality. I will never hear your voice, as you learn to say, 'Mama.' I will never get to do so many things that I had hoped to do once I saw that positive test. 

But you will never have to feel the pain and sorrow of this life. You will never know sin or hurt. You are in a wonderful place. I wanted you so bad, but God wanted you more. And I know one-day, I will see you again. I take comfort in knowing that you are safe in the arms of Jesus."

So, I'm going to go back to the beginning of this post where I left off. I hope you understand the statement I made. It was, if it were up to me, he wouldn't even be born.

I mean because I would have kept the baby that God took.  I am so glad that God's plan, though different than mine, is always better. I could not image life without my little guy. If I would have known then, what I know now, the miscarriage would still have been sad, but maybe I wouldn't have been so sorrowful. 

In life, we have many instances where we pray and beg God for something. We hope and cling to His word. But sometimes, God does answer with a no. It might be heartbreaking and not understandable, but God's way are higher than ours. We might not always understand the 'why' of God's plan, but we just have to trust that He knows best. 

So, no matter what you are going through, lean on God, even when God has another plan, He makes no mistakes. 

What's in a Number?

Do we measure our lives by numbers? I mean, really, let's think about it. Do we think our life is prosperous if we have a certain number of dollars in the bank?

Are we living the American dream if we have a certain number of cars in our driveway?

Are we better than others when we see the number of clothes we have in our closet?

Are we technology savvy when we examine the number of smart items we own?

Do we feel socially accepted when our list of Facebook friends exceeds a certain number?

Are we living it large when we have a house with a greater number of rooms than family members?

I could go on for a while. But my point is, it seems like more is better in every aspect of life, but one.

And that's children.

When people find out I have five children, they kind of feel sorry for me, or think I'm crazy.


How is it a person can have more material possessions and everyone envies them? But let that same person have more than the average of two children and they are no longer envied, but pitied.

 I may be tired, because I have five children. I may not get much of a break from little people all day. I might pick up hundreds of toys daily. I might change lots of diapers and constantly feed little ones. My clothes might be stained with spit up. I may not get much sleep. But hear this, my heart and arms are full.

Every hug, every smile, every coo is worth it. Hearing, " You're the best mommy ever," mutiple times over is worth it.  So, I'll continue to wash lots of dishes, fold mountains of clothes, and clean up alot of messes, because to me it's all a blessing.

Yes, it's tiring, but I'm not living for myself, I'm living for Him. And all these things remind me, that God has giving us the gift of life for another day.

So, I ask what's in a number? Well, for me, God has blessed us with five children to raise for Him. Five children to share our lives with. Five little ones to laugh with. Ten little hands to hold. Five little hearts to mold for Him. We are raising five lives that could change the world.

If you have more than the average amount of children, remember anyone can live for material things, but not everyone is willing to raise a big family.  Enjoy life, and live like every child is a blessing, because they are.

Reasons why I homeschool my children.

Some might think that the biggest reason why I homechool my children is because I was homeschooled as a child. I wasn't homeschooled until high school. So, what motivates me to devote alot of time and energy into schooling my children.
Some families only homechool because they don't want their children in public school, which is an understandable reason. But there has to be more motivation than that.

1. God has called me to homechool my children. I really believe that God has placed it on my heart to educate my children at home. I love homeschooling. Everyday isn't easy, but that doesn't change my calling. If God calls you to do something, you don't quit, even on the discouraging days when it seems your children aren't listening or learning like you want.

Does God call everyone to homechool? No, He doesn't. And frankly, not every family can. Not every mom can stay home, some have to work. God's plan isn't the same for every family. God does allow some children to go to public or private school to be a light in the darkness. We should not look down on those that don't homechool. Sometimes we get the mindset that our way is best, and those who send their children to school aren't doing what's best for their family.  We can only answer for our family, and that's what we should focus on.

2. I like the freedom that comes from homeschooling. I think it's important to decide what my children learn and don't learn. My husband and I pick the curriculum and the style of our homeschool. We don't have to allow our children to learn athestic and evolutionary worldviews, and whatever else they learn in public school that is against what we believe. The wonderful thing about homeschool is, not every homechool is going to look the same, teach the same, or operate the same. And that's ok. That's the freedom associated with homeschool. The parents decide what's best for their family.

3. I like the safety measure I get from school at home. I take comfort in knowing where my children are during the day.  I don't have to worry about all the crazy things that might happen at a public school. They are safe at home with me, and that's reassuring.

4. Another reason is flexibility. In public school there's not much flexibility. But it's quite the opposite for homechool. I decide the days we do school, the time we start and finish school, and the breaks we take. As long as I follow my state's guidelines, I have flexibility to adjust school as needed when situations arise. We can go slower or faster if one of my children is struggling or excelling. I could do school outside if it was nice weather. The list could go on. It's a very desirable way to do things.
I could go on and on about the benefits of homeschooling but time would not allow that.  I can say that it's a precious thing teaching my children and seeing their excitement once they understand a new concept. It's such a big responsibility taking on the role of educator, but having your children so near, is worth every sacrifice and struggle. I think the time we invest in our Children will never be regretted. We might regret many things in life, but spending so much time with our children will not be one of them.  I thank God for the privilege to homechool and look forward to this journey my family and I are on.

I'm Back!

It is clearly evident, by the date of the last blog post, that I have not written in a while. I am going to try to be more faithful. I love writing, and believe words are a tool to encourage and uplift others. I want that to be a goal of the blog. We all get discouraged and low, but we don't have to stay that way.
I want to help the struggling mom, who is overwhelmed, because I've been there, more days than not.
I want to encourage the homeschooling parent, to keep going, don't quit even when it's hard.
We are all on this journey of life. Our paths may look different, but we are all on a journey. Let's help each other, and not hinder each other. You never know what impact a friendly word, or a simple smile can make in the life of others.

And those of us with kids, let's make sure to start at home. Those little ones God has blessed us with,  deserve to be cherished and loved, even on the bad days. These little ones encourage me to live for the Lord, because they are always watching, I want them to see a mommy who loves God no matter what day it is.

Every day life

Days are pretty busy. School takes up a good part of our morning. I am planning on taking lots of pictures and videos of school so I can have an end of school video of my kids for each grade. 

I love the life God has given me, though it's not always easy. But I'll be sharing pictures and videos along with occasional blog post of my family. 

I am doing this because I felt it was time to remove myself from Facebook. It is a good tool to keep up with people but I felt like it sucked too much of my time away. I don't want to look back years from now and regret all the time invested in Facebook and not my family. I am choosing something greater than I am giving up.  Life is too short to waste. 

Our little miracle

On January 10,2010 I found out my dream of being a mommy was gonna come true. We were so very excited. God had given us the desires of our hearts. And we couldn't thank him enough for his goodness.

The pregnancy was kind of rough. I was sick all the time and couldn't gain any weight. Even after 20 weeks I was still getting sick. I leaned on God for strength because I didn't have any by myself.

We found out we were having a little girl. And everything looked great. I was so excited. I had prayed for a little girl and God had answered my prayers.

We had some complications. At 24 weeks I had to go to the hospital with awful back pain and contractions. I was so scared, I didn't know what was going on. They gave me a shot to try and stop the contractions and medicine, for the kidney infection. My biggest concern was my baby would be born and she was not developed for that at all. We prayed and God gave me comfort and helped me through that time.

At 28 weeks we were at the hospital again with some complications. They really didn't know what was going on and I was once again concerned for my daughter's health. But God was a very present help in my time of trouble, and I just had to trust him.

I can say that it doesn't matter how big the trial you are going through seems, no problem is too big for God. And when it seems like everything is going wrong and life is upside down lean on the One who knows what's happening. He's God, and in control.

At 32 weeks I was admitted into the hospital again. Only this time, I wasn't going home. When I arrived at the hospital I was dilated 5 cm and they really didn't give me much hope of stopping the labor. I cried and cried. I knew at that point that my baby would be a preemie. I didn't know what to expect. I'm not sure if you can be fully prepared for that moment. I had a hundred thoughts going through my mind, and none of them were helping the situation.

The next few moments they did whatever they could to temporarily stop my labor. The bad thing was the hospital didn't have a nicu unit so they were trying to stop it enough to get me transferred to a hospital that did. They talked about a helicopter transport, but praise God I was stable enough to go by ambulance. The hour journey lying on a stretcher without any loved ones was scary. The whole unknown was scary.

When we got to the other hospital we didn't know what was going on. Nor did it seem like anyone else did. We were giving false hope by some that I could maybe go home on bed rest and everything would be fine. But that was not the case. I was on magnesium for days, which makes you feel completely awful. I was getting sick, I wasn't allowed to eat, I had blurred vision, very hot, i couldn't feel my legs they were completely numb and just miserable. But it didn't matter to me how I felt because the medicine was helping my daughter stay unborn at least until we could get all the steroid shots.

I was finally taking off the magnesium and I felt so much better. I was still being monitored to see if I'd need a blood transfusion. They said my baby was doing so well, she was actually helping me physically. But after this things happened fast, and before I knew it I had delivered a 3 lb 13 oz baby girl.

I only held her for a sec but when I held her she opened her eyes and looked at me. It was so precious. I was finally holding God's gift to us. She was rushed away after a minute or so and everyone left. I was left alone. I had just delivered a baby, yet my arms were empty and my heart aching. I couldn't help but cry. It had been an hour or so and I still hadn't seen my baby but for a minute. And I didn't know how she was doing. I can't even describe the pain I felt. I had just been through so much and my baby was taking away from me. Separated for I didn't know how long. But God's grace was just what I needed. And he was there for me even when it seemed no one else was.

A video preview of the next post: Life in the NICU